You should start speaking to your children about sex as soon as they discover their private parts.
Yup. My two-year-old is already exploring and “gets it”. He is noticing the differences between my body and his body.
Are you freaked out yet?
Yeah, you're not alone.
I recently had the fantastic opportunity to chat with Amy Lang, a sex expert who has been guiding parents for a decade on how to speak to children about sex. Amy is a lot of fun. She is real, to the point and raw.
In the meantime, here are a few things I learned from Amy during our conversation.
Why We Should Talk to 3-Year-Olds about Sex
- The sex talk has much more to do with the adult than the child. Arm yourself with knowledge.
- Sex education in schools depends on the current political environment
- Using analogies is not the best approach (e.g. a seed sprouts a plant)
- Her15-year-old swears he will never speak to her about sex but she is confident he feels comfortable with his body & is armed with the right knowledge.
- Amy is a big fan of the PSA announcement lobbed into the back seat of the car randomly (e.g. “Did you know that it is NEVER okay for an adult to touch your private parts?”)
- If your child is touching his parts and giggle, acknowledge that it feels good but that he needs to be in private
- Don't use the phrase “not appropriate” (guilty.)
- Sex education is about self-image, knowledge of how the body works, self-respect, and peer respect
- If your child isn't going to learn about sex from you, he will learn about it from his friends
- If a young child is being chased by a young child (as young as 5 or 6) and says no, the job of the chaser is to stop.
- Be direct. Be straightforward. Be honest. Refer to body parts by the proper name. Talk about love.
- Talking about sex needs to begin with you. What are you bringing to the table? Be proactive. Be ready for these conversations. Kids are curious.
Be sure to check out Amy's work on BirdsandBeesandKids.com. She offers amazing products and classes for parents. Sign up for Amy's newsletter and receive a useful freebie!
Marnie