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How to Help Scattered Kids Conquer Executive Function Disorder

By Marnie Craycroft Filed Under: Positive Parenting, Sensory Processing Disorder Tagged With: Anxiety, Executive Functioning, Living, Parenting This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

Do you have a child in your life who is a bit “all over the place”? Is he a “paper stuffer”? When you enter his room, do you have to push open the door because it is such a mess? We can share frustrations and laugh about these kids but these tendencies will cause many problems as they grow and develop into adults. If you are in this boat, then the issue is one of an executive function disorder.

What is Executive Functioning?

Consider this post an introductory guide to executive function, what it means, signs of executive dysfunction, and strategies to develop these skills in kids who are struggling. Are you concerned about your child's executive functioning skills?

In most cases, there's nothing to worry about; every child develops differently, and some children just need special forms of attention to inspire their abilities.

Some persistent deficiencies in executive function, however, can be indicative of a serious learning disorder, so it's important to learn more about executive skills and how to foster these skills in your child if he or she seems to be behind. So, let's dig a bit deeper.

Definition of the Term Executive Functioning

The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University defines executive function skills as “the mental processes that enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks successfully.” These skills allow us to focus on particular details, prioritize effectively, and enforce delayed gratification to make sure that things get done.

Executive skills aren't innate. While some children have more potential to develop effective executive skills than others, these skills are largely a product of a child's brain chemistry and environment.

Identifying the Gaps & Creating a Plan

One of the most important factors in the development of these skills is identifying the gaps in executive function early in a child's life. Once observed, teachers and parents can implement create a plan including activities, exercises, and perhaps outside therapy to assist in a child's development of executive skills.

In extreme cases, negative environmental factors can prevent normal brain growth and cause children to exhibit hyperactive or disruptive behaviors. Furthermore, impediments to the normal development of executive functioning in young children can have continuing negative effects throughout a child's developing and adult years, so learning about the symptoms of poor executive functioning and the strategies that can be used to improve this critical developmental factor can help parents and caregivers guide at-risk children back on positive developmental tracks.

It is important to remember that children are not born with executive function skills. Instead, they are born with the potential to develop these skills.

What Is Executive Function Disorder?

Executive Function Disorder is often associated with attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD). ADHD is considered to be a type of executive function impairment but certainly not every child with executive dysfunction has ADHD. A child may be considered to have EFD when his or her executive functioning skills appear out of sync with her development.

According to the ADD publication ADDitude, children start developing executive functions at age two. These functions continue to develop until age 30. ADDitude estimates that ADHD can delay the development of executive functioning by up to 40 percent, and it's believed that EFD may be linked to poor development in the prefrontal cortex.

Parts of the Brain Impacted by EFD

The three main areas involving executive functioning are working memory, self-regulation, and mental flexibility. These three areas are interrelated and affect most areas of the brain. In order for EF to execute effectively, all three areas much work together.

{Source: Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University}

Executive Function Skills

There are seven types of skills that are associated with executive function.

These skills are:

Self-awareness
Self-restraint
Non-verbal working memory
Verbal working memory
Emotional intelligence
Self-motivation
Planning and problem solving

In children with EFD, most or all of these executive skills are inhibited. By using various exercises and techniques, it may be possible to boost or restore executive skills in affected children.

Executive Function Disorder 101

Symptoms & Signs of Executive Function Disorder

While children with ADHD often have trouble paying attention to activities in the present, children with EFD have an inability to plan for the future. Children with this disorder have trouble setting schedules or staying organized, and they may habitually lose personal items.

Some common signs of EFD include:

Not able to effectively analyze a task
Failure to develop an effective plan for taking care of a task
Inability to plan out specific steps necessary to complete a task
Failure to develop reasonable timelines for achieving tasks
Unable to adapt to new conditions or adjust procedures when achieving a task
Failure to complete tasks on time

Emotional Regulation & EFD

In young children, EFD may show itself in the form of angry or frustrated behavior. Young children with EFD may have trouble handling setbacks, and they may throw tantrums over seemingly minimal issues.

Instead of capably expressing their emotions with words or other socially acceptable mediums of expression, children with EFD may act aggressively. They may also be resistant to the normal flow of classroom behavior, and they may stubbornly choose to act on their own impulses rather than follow the established protocols.

As children with executive functioning issues get older and enter grade school, they become highly resistant to any changes in routine. In addition, their organization difficulties become more pronounced.

During middle school and high school, failures to adapt to social norms and implement systems to help with EFD may lead to becoming increasingly socially withdrawn. Additionally, they may engage in risky behaviors. For example, they may have trouble choosing careers or holding down jobs.

What Kids with Executive Dysfunction Need Most

Systems on which to rely
Growth Mindset
Routines
Baby Steps. In other words, celebrating small victories with your child. The development of these skills is not going to happen overnight. Often it takes years, so acknowledge baby steps and lean into positive behavior is a big way for a while

Skill Development

Below are examples of skills on which to focus.

Here is a short list:

Ability to plan ahead
Time management
Prioritize tasks
Decision making
Able to inhibit thoughts & actions, not be impulsive
Focus & attention
Juggling memory
Pivoting
Self-starting
Follow through
Reflectiveness (this is where mindfulness exercises come in really handy)
Regulating emotion

Strategies for Kids

Most instances of executive function disorder manifest at an early age, so early intervention is important. For example, one of the best ways to help develop skills to combat these challenges is to expose to activities and exercises that will help close gaps. With that said, once it's clear that EFD is interfering with a child's ability to learn and develop socially, it may be useful to enlist the assistance of professionals. For instance, speech therapists, reading tutors, or psychologists test & guide your child. Finally, an executive function test will pinpoint the exact areas that need focus.

In-class behavioral modification techniques, such as daily report cards and token systems, may be effective strategies. Adults might consider the use of external information crutches like cards, smartphone apps, and sticky notes to improve focus and motivation.

Lastly, children with EFD may be responsive to the same stimulant drugs that are used to treat ADHD. As in all cases of behavioral issues, however, drugs should be relied on as a last resort after behavioral modification and positive forms of adult support have failed.

Create a System for Your Child

Bottom line, a child needs to create a system that works for him. This system may include:

a paper management system
a binder system (this doesn't work for most children with executive function disorder)
a folder system with specific labels written in large print with the name of the subject and the child
grade monitoring
self-advocacy when his body doesn't quite feel right and he is unable to focus, ask the teacher or parent to take a break, drink some water, grab a fidget, or use headphones
secure study space that works for the child perhaps near natural light, in a cozy chair, with a divider, with headphones
weekly overhaul to clean out the backpack, desk, cubby, etc
daily check-ins asking the questions: What is my most important thing today? What am I forgetting?
create a today list every day with no more than 4 items in order to avoid overwhelm
chunking by time and task using a timer
less is more, so taking the time to declutter every week

Activities to Help Executive Functioning Skills

There are a variety of activities that may assist a child with executive function disorder in attaining normative cognitive and social development. Here are some examples of effective executive function activities:

#1 – Skill-Building Games

There are a number of different board games and other types of games that you can play with your child to encourage the healthy development of executive skills. While it's unclear how much these games actually improve the symptoms of EFD, they provide opportunities to spend quality time with your child, which will certainly improve his or her social adaptability and overall happiness.

#2 – Competitive Sports

Competitive sports are some of the best activities for executive function disorder. These types of activities assist children in developing social skills, and they also boost cognitive flexibility and anticipation.

While any type of physical exercise will help with the symptoms of EFD by improving overall health, team sports allow children to become closer to their peers and learn more about working together to achieve shared goals. It isn't necessary to compete in physical sports; any type of competitive activity, such as chess, will improve executive functioning in children.

#3 – Musical Activities

It has long since been concluded that music helps improve brain functioning, and listening to music can help children with EFD focus and regulate their emotions. The benefits of music become even more pronounced, however, when you encourage your child with EFD to learn how to play an instrument.

#4 – Creative Outlets to Assist with Executive Function Disorder

Drawing, building, and designing whether in 2D or 3D are enormously helpful for a high performing child with executive function dysfunction. In many cases, children with executive dysfunction are also gifted, which means their brain is often on fire. Therefore, the adults in their lives need to make certain these children have outlets.

Helping Your Child with Executive Function Disorder

I attended a conference on parenting gifted children recently. One of the presenters, Seth Perler, focused his presentation (and life's work for that matter) on helping gifted children with these gaps in executive functioning. I took away a ton from his talk. His main takeaway for me and one I believe he emphasized was our relationship with the child matters the most.

Children struggling with these tasks, often struggle with big emotions, depression, anxiety, poor self-image, too. In other words, Children experience and feel the world differently than the typical human being does. As we work with them through the process of developing their weaknesses into strengths, we need to be developing a strong, solid, loving, genuine relationship with them. Furthermore, don't allow the child to define himself or be defined by his giftedness or “disability”. It was a powerful way to end his extremely practical talk outlining helpful strategies for teachers and parents.

The Best Methods to Bring Mindfulness in the Classroom

By Marnie Craycroft Filed Under: Activities Tagged With: Anxiety, Living, Mindfulness, Simple Living This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

This post outlines easy & effective ways to bring mindfulness in the classroom. Mindfulness seems to be a buzzword these days capturing headlines and infiltrating all aspects of life. There are mindfulness apps, mindfulness exercises for families, mindfulness activities for kids, and books galore about the topic.

The ubiquitousness of the word itself – maybe even the practice of mindfulness – might get an eye roll or two. Here is the thing, though, a myriad of scientific research studies back up the positive impact mindfulness has on human existence. So, integrating mindfulness in the classroom makes a lot of sense.

Mindfulness in the Classroom

Just what does it mean to be mindful? According to Merriam-Webster, mindfulness is “the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis”. Regardless of the science, there isn't much of a downfall with mindfulness.

Is mindfulness just another fad? Or is it something more, something that actually has a positive impact, especially on our youth? Mindfulness is not a craze. It is a practice that is rooted in science. Mindfulness is proven to have a strong and beneficial effect on people of all ages.

When introduced at a young age, kids will grow up with increased cognitive awareness and a higher degree of self-regulation. Plus with all the headlines about increasing rates of anxiety and depression in kids, mindfulness is a low-risk approach to mitigate those statistics.

So, let's get started on exploring ways to bring mindfulness in the classroom.

Mindfulness Activities for Preschoolers

Kids are ripe for beginning a mindfulness practice. There are some really easy, fun, and engaging mindfulness exercises for students that will help kids focus and less anxious. Some of these activities allow children to learn the practice without even feeling like they're learning one of the most important skills a person can learn: self-awareness and self-regulation.

One of the easiest ways to teach mindfulness activities for preschoolers is to have them play sensory games. These games can be played from the comfort of their seats, outside, or even on the bus on the way to a field trip. Sensory games have kids use their senses as a means for increasing awareness of their environment as well as their place within that environment. Listening activities for kids are a fantastic means of being more present. We love going on a listening walk to clear our minds and get a bit of fresh air.

Easy and Inexpensive Mindfulness Exercises for Kids

The quickest way to get little ones using their senses is by using their bodies – no other “materials” are needed!

Have students keep their eyes open and count five things in the room that they can see. Then, have them close their eyes and count four sounds that they hear. Afterward, have them count three things that they can either touch or is touching them (ie the chair they are sitting in). For two, have them count two things they can smell (this one will be sure to give you a laugh or two!). Finally, for the last one, instead of taste, which might be a little much for younger ones, have them engage in some self-love by coming up with one thing they like about themselves.

Glitter Jar – Mindfulness Activity for Preschoolers

Another fun way to teach mindfulness to preschool-aged kids is by using a glitter jar. Don't worry – there won't be glitter on little hands after this practice. Instead, you can either buy or make a sensory jar that is filled with water, glue (for bonding), and glitter.

Much like an old-school sand timer, glitter jars help children with sensory sensitivities and anxiety. They also increase their awareness. After shaking the jar, you can have the students practice mindful breathing while the glitter settles to the bottom. You can also use the jar to teach an awareness of how our reactions work. Have the kids begin to think of their happy or angry emotions as the glitter swirls. Then, begin to notice how time allows these pieces of glitter, and therefore their emotions, to steady out and sink to the bottom again. This exercise is really a good one for kids of all ages!

Mindfulness Activities for Kindergarten

Do you remember the good ol' days when your parents and teachers would play the quiet game? They might not have been aware of or even trying to teach you the benefits of mindfulness, but whether they were intentional or not, they were helping you engage in mindfulness.

With a few explicit instructions, though, and sharing of your intentions, you can teach mindfulness activities for kindergarten aged kids with a similar tactic to the one your parents may have used for some peace and quiet.

The Calm Competition offers a win-win situation. Kids love to compete, and we love to teach our younger students how to be calm and present. By presenting mindfulness in the form of a game, you might not be able to get your four to six-year-olds to be still for hours at a time. However, you'll definitely instill in them techniques for being present in a way that doesn't seem like a chore to them.

All you need for this mindfulness practice is a timer. Start small. On the first day, set the timer for one minute and challenge your students to be still by practicing deep breaths in and out. Silently count in for three breaths, hold for two breaths, and exhale for three breaths. Over time, you can have kids work their way up to two or even three minutes! Breathing exercises are also an effective mindfulness activity.

Mindfulness Activities for Kids – In the Classroom

What better way to teach mindfulness activities than bringing in an awareness of the body itself? You've probably heard of elementary teachers having students engage in brain breaks by practicing a body scan. What is a body scan, and how is it such an effective tool for toddlers and younger children? The body scan teaches kids active listening, body awareness, and awareness of their environment.

Body Scan – Mindfulness in the Classroom

There are several ways to incorporate a body scan into your classroom. Find a script for body scans online if you need one. Then slowly read it to the kids as they close their eyes and follow along. You can also find a body scan video online. Simply play the video and follow along with your students. Both options are great tools for helping increase mindfulness for kids in your classroom. Headspace is also a great app that many teachers use to bring mindfulness in the classroom.

The Heartbeat Game – Mindfulness in the Classroom

Another great way to teach mindfulness to kids by using the body is by playing the heartbeat game. You start by having the kids close their eyes while sitting down. They can put their right hand over heart and count their heartbeat for one minute. Afterward, have them move by engaging in jumping jacks or running in place for thirty seconds to a minute.

Next, have them take a seat and repeat the hand over the heart exercise. After the second heartbeat count, have them compare the numbers they got when resting and after exercising. This mindfulness practice not only teaches an awareness of the body but also helps improve kids' focus. Plus, it gets them moving in the middle of the day when they need to get their wiggles out! It's another win-win situation.

Additional Mindfulness in the Classroom Resources

The Power of Habit: Making New Year’s Resolutions Stick

By Marnie Craycroft Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Living, New Year's This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

The last time I made New Year's Resolutions, they looked like the below image… Except add failed parenting resolutions to mine such as: Be more patient with kids. Yell less. Be present. You know the list.

{Source: https://www.funny-joke-pictures.com}

Do your previous New Year's Resolutions look similar?

I stopped making New Years Resolutions years ago because they never stuck. In fact, only 8% of the population actually follow through on their resolutions.

And why do most resolutions never stick? Because it requires more than putting a paper on the wall with a list of life changes to actually change your life. Each behavior you hope to change or feat you hope to make is a created by a complex and intricate set of habits and decisions that you make each day.

Related Read: Why I Threw Away Our Routine Charts

“Resolution” comes from the Latin word “resolutionem” which means “the process of reducing things into simpler forms”. To achieve your goal, you will need to break down & identify all the parts and habits that are creating the behavior you want to change.

That means you need to:

Identify your ‘why' for your resolutions
Understand your habits
Plan for new routines
Find your people
Allow for failure and
Believe in yourself.

This year I am determined to follow through on my resolutions with some help from the literature of Charles Duhigg, the Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter and author of The Power of Habit. Here are the secrets I learned and the critical steps for making our New Years Resolutions stick.

6 Critical Steps For Making New Year's Resolutions Stick

Step 1: Find Your ‘Why'

Ask yourself which 3 habits in your life, when changed, will have the most positive outcome. You don't want to set out to boil the ocean and take on more changes than you can possibly make from the beginning of the year. In fact, you just want to choose your 3 or fewer behaviors for the year. Once you have chosen the behaviors you want to change, the most important step is to establish your ‘Why'.

Weight Loss: My ‘why' is to keep up with my children
Less alcohol: My ‘why' is to achieve a healthy mental state
Less yelling: My ‘why' is to create a positive atmosphere in my house

[clickToTweet tweet=”In the words of Nietzsche: ‘He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How.'” quote=”In the words of Nietzsche: ‘He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How.'”]

Once you have listed your ‘why', pick the most important one. This is where you will begin. Addressing one goal at a time will give you a greater chance at being successful and building confidence in yourself as you tackle your other goals through the year.

Make your “why” sticky – write it on a post-it note and stick it to your mirror as a reminder each day.

Step 2: Make a Habit List

[Created by Charles Duhigg: The Power of Habit]

Once you have identified your ‘why', brainstorm which habits have built the walls that are blocking you from success. Habits are created through a repetitious cue, routine and reward system. We may not even realize that we are developing the habits. If you are a parent, you have probably eaten food left on your kids plate from time to time. I wasn't aware I had created this habit until I gained 15 pounds – I just hated wasting food. The cue was food left on the plate, the habit was to eat, and the reward was the dopamine boost from food and the satisfaction of clearing the plate. I knew I had to change this habit.

If a healthy body is your goal, you need to address all your eating habits- what are you eating, when are you eating, why are you eating, what are your shopping habits and what types of food keeping in the house, how often are you eating out, etc. List them all out and keep a record until you understand your habits.

Habits are powerful but delicate. They can emerge outside our consciousness or can be deliberately designed. They often occur without our permission but can be re-shaped by fiddling with their parts. They shape our lives far more than we realize- they are so strong., in fact, that they cause our brains to cling to them at the exclusion of all else, including common sense. – The Power of Habit

Step 3: Plan for New Routines

Now that you understand the habit loop, the real work begins. Old habits may never die – but you can teach an old dog new tricks! Once a habit is established (consciously or unconsciously) it becomes ingrained and the only way to change it is to identify the cue, replace the old routines with new routines while keeping the same reward.

Here's a routine that is common in my house:

Cue – It is about 6:30 pm, the kids have now been ~~playing/~~fighting for 4 hours since school let out. I notice that I am losing my patience and feeling stressed.
Routine – I grab a glass of wine/beer.
Reward – I am rewarded with stress relief.

My cue is stress and the signals are a tightening in my chest, negative mood, impatience with my kids, yelling, etc. My routine is to have a drink with the desired outcome alleviated stress. I need a new routine to replace the glass of wine so I begin brainstorming other methods of dealing with stress – taking the kids outside, taking a walk alone, meditating, yoga, etc. It may require many iterations before you find a routine that offers the same reward you were receiving with the old routine.

Step 4: Find Your People

Go, tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere. There is only one way you are going to find your people and support system – by making your goals and resolutions public.

Here are the steps to creating social circles that will help you achieve your goals.

First, divide your environments into your different social circles – home, children's play groups, friends, work colleagues, hobby allies, etc.

Second, evaluate the habits that you are trying to change in each social circle and communicate those needs with those people. If weight loss is a goal, then there may be food issues you need to resolve in each environment. Do playdates tend to involve junk food? Are candy bowls prevalent at work? Does your spouse keep bad food in the house?

Third, communicate what you need in each social circle. Do you need playdate buddies to have healthier offerings? Do you need a co-worker to take a walk with you in the afternoon so you avoid the candy dishes? Reach out to people that can help you replace your old routines with new, healthier ones.

The more people you have supporting you, the more successful you will be. Also, the more public you are with your goals, the more like-minded friends you will find. There is a reason that Alcoholics Anonymous suggests 90 meetings in 90 days at the onset of the program. It not only creates an environment for people to relieve stressors by talking through them in a supportive environment, but also creates a strong social circle for the new attendee.

Step 5: Allow For Failure

I want to reiterate the importance of understanding that once habits are ingrained (good or bad), they never go away. They reside in the most ancient part of the brain – the basal ganglia. So, as you are on your journey to create better habits, you may revert back to old habits from time to time. This is more likely to happen in times of high stress. Instead of quitting, recognize the stressor (or the cue that caused the bad habit) and make a plan to deal with it next time.

Creating a positive attitude will be best served by celebrating all your small wins. Many people tout the benefits of writing in a gratitude journal each day. Consider keeping a “wins” journal with the good decisions you've made each day. Start the book with your ‘why' and keep a record of the small wins that are paving the way for you to achieve your goals.

The journey is long and if we come down hard on ourselves for failure, we will not continue to move forward. Instead of wallowing in regret, look at your failures as an opportunity to learn and move forward more prepared.

Step 6: Believe In Yourself

If you've read this far, then you believe (or at least partially believe) in free will. It is important to have faith that you can go to battle with your basal ganglia and become the victor – changing your habits and your life. Hope and belief in yourself are essential ingredients to changing your life.

If you believe you can change- if you make it a habit- the change becomes real. This is the real power of habit: the insight that your habits are what you choose them to be.” – The Power of Habit

Bring on the new year!

A new year means a new chance to reinvent our goals, our lives and ourselves. Get started today identifying the changes you want to make and the ‘why' behind them, making your habit list, planning new routines, finding your people, allowing for failure and, most importantly, believing in yourself!

Let's take on this year armed with the knowledge to be successful with our resolutions. This year, let's make our resolutions stick!

Talk to you soon…

Who is this Alexa & How to Easily Outsource Your Parenting to Her

By Marnie Craycroft Filed Under: Positive Parenting Tagged With: Home Organization, Living, Parenting This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

“Alexa, play ‘Ice Ice Baby', please,” I stated politely from across the kitchen.

“Ice, Ice, Baby by Vanilla Ice”

{Take a listen below.}

Bam.

Oh, and because I love you, here is the little 90s gem for you.

How I Use Alexa to Be a Better Parent

My five-year-old snaps out of his grumpy mood. He can't resist the opportunity to “collaborate and listen”. We start dancing around the kitchen and his impending massive meltdown is mitigated by a long shot.

As you know, I have an explosive child on my hands. We've worked hard over the past two years to modify his behavior and help him manage his rigidity and anger in healthy, productive ways. For many of you in the same situation, you understand fully just how intense moments and days can be with a challenging child. My husband and I vow to bring humor to our lives but not at the expense of our children's development. We always validate, acknowledge, and work positively with our children's emotions. Still, sometimes we need to be super creative about how we approach communication and parenting our kids, generally.

And Alexa is a part of that parenting.

This example is one of many parenting hacks Alexa manages for me every day. Below are ten more.

10 Ways I Outsource Parenting to Alexa

#1 – Avoiding Clothing Power Struggles: “Sweetheart, you may want to consider your rain boots today,” I say to a lollygagging 7-year-old getting ready to head out the door to school. “Mom, it's not raining. I'll ask Alexa about the forecast.”

#2 – Meal Planning & Developing Executive Functioning: “Guys, we're getting low on groceries, go ahead and ask Alexa to add a few things you might like for lunches and dinner to our shopping list.” I know this one sounds crazy. I won't lie to you we do occasionally get strange items in our shopping cart, but we have complete control over the end purchase. So, we give our kids the chance and the opportunity to think about and to plan meals (and to make good decisions around this thinking). Not only does this work their budding self-regulation skills, it also helps them become better planners, which is huge for any human being. Oh, and she will also order pizza for you.

#3 – Shifting the Mood from Chaos to Peace: “Alexa, play easy listening music.” Not only does the mood change in our home but now this one sentence alone triggers my kids to calm down. Insane, right? It is a signal that Mom is about to make dinner and we all need to take it down a few notches.

#4 – Making Sure Humor is a Part of Our Every Day: “Alexa, tell us a Knock Knock joke.” As you might guess, my 7,5, and 2.5-year-olds love this one.

#5 – Keeping Me Secure & Balanced in the Midst of Kid Craziness: “Alexa, am I beautiful?” Just listen to her awesomeness to this one below:

#6 – Allowing Me to Be Nag-Free: “Alexa, Simon Says, ‘Jack & Wyatt, please come and put your dinner plates in the sink.” Now this one is a bit tricky because you need to master the art of not having your kids hear you speak to Alexa, otherwise you're nagging them twice. So, get close to Alexa, turn up the volume, and whisper.

#7 – Bringing Reading Seamlessly into our Living: “Alexa, play Audible,” and she will automatically play the last audio book at the position you left off. You can also request a specific book.

#8 – Starting a Spontaneous Dance Party: This one I basically mentioned above but it is worth repeating for in times of joy or stress, this one will make or break your parenting career. You can make your kids laugh, introduce them to music you love (or hate), have them show you dance moves, and have a family dance party (this one my husband is not so into)

#9 – Scheduling Made Easy: “Alexa, what time is Moana playing?” She will tell you where and what time a movie is playing close to you. “Alexa, what time does Bartells close today?” She will tell you the hours of stores and services in your area. “Alexa, what time do the Seattle Seahawks play today?” Planning your commute can make or break a day. “Alexa, what is traffic like heading to Seattle?” Also, being able to spend time doing things you love like listening to a podcast or audiobook or getting a sports update is a constant struggle and conflict when trying to parent.

#10 – Teaching Kids Emotional Intelligence: This one takes the cake both for my kids and my husband {do not tell him I wrote that}. With Alexa, you have to be kind yet firm with your tone. I am not kidding. Shouting at her doesn't work. Trust me, my five year old tries it all the time. She doesn't understand, or, quite frankly won't respond to the request. I use these moments as teaching opportunities, “You know you're more likely to get what you want by being kind to someone (or something in this case).” I won't ever forget when my son apologized to Alexa, “Oh, I'm sorry, Alexa, will you please play Caspar Babypants?”

How do you satisfy your needs as an individual with your child's needs for your to be present in his life? I know it sounds a little far-fetched, but Alexa helps us create more space in our days and our minds for our kids. “Alexa, set the alarm, please.” “Alexa, set the thermostat to 67 degrees.” Connecting Alexa to Smart Cloud-Based Devices is a big one. Sounds overwhelming and a bit daunting but it is so worth it.

That is all for now. Now, stop, collaborate and listen. Alexa is back with a brand new invention.

Hugs and kisses,

Marnie

It is Time to Reinvent (and Stop Feeling So Crappy About) the Family Meal

By Marnie Craycroft Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Family, Food, Living This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

Yeah, right, the family meal? Every day! {Are you laughing?}

That is my reaction every time I read an article “backed by research” discussing how children who sit down with their family for dinner every night are happier, more well adjusted, and will get into an ivy league college. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that I (and probably millions of other parents) are thinking about this family meal thing all wrong. We have to reinvent it. So, how do we make that happen?

As I attempted (and when I write “attempted” I mean every day I continue to work at it) to integrate the modern Family Meal into our daily routine, I decided to share my insights with you.

Ideas for the Family Meal Reinvented

I started thinking about Family Meal years ago because I found myself throwing food at my son in his high chair (okay, not literally throwing) sometimes before my husband even arrived home from work. Then once the little bugger went down for the night or played quietly (and by that I mean hugging my leg as I walk around the house) before he went down for the night, my husband and I were scrambling to throw something together for our dinner.

Not working for me.

Not the end of the day I pictured in my vision of family life (although not much is as we picture in our visions of family life, is it?). I am certain that the Family Meal, although challenging to make happen, doesn't have to be impossible.

So I set off thinking about why Family Meals are so important, or as Nancy Gibbs, the author of a June 2006 TIME article put it, are so magical?

Why do I hold the Family Meal so dear?

I realize, only now as an adult, how incredibly amazing my childhood was to have a family meal on most nights, and, subsequently, I realize how amazing my mother was for having the ability/talent to make it happen. Yes, it is a talent.

And I miss it. And my mother inspires me.

Aside from all the research about the positive impacts on adolescent development, yada, yada, yada, I decided to come up with a list of why my heart and mind desires so much to have the Family Meal be a part of our daily routine and why I am confident to create my own version of the Family Meal.

5 Reasons the Family Meal Matters to Me

LAUGHTER: Inevitably one of us kids would always fall backwards in our chair after my mother repeatedly told us not to tip, which, although dangerous, always gave us a good laugh
LEARNING: I cooked with my mom, or I watched her cook
LOOSE DEFINITION OF A MEAL: Sometimes when we didn't have time for a full on well-balanced home cooked meal, we ordered pizza or subs. That counted as a family meal because we ate together.
CATCH UP and BALANCE: Gave us a chance to catch up at the end of a school day, after our extracurricular activities was something I always looked forward to but never really thought about the true meaning and impact
SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS: Calling out my brother at the end of every meal when h'd excuse himself to go to the bathroom and somehow not return in time to help clean up

3 Steps to “Your” Family Meal

Step #1 – Just Do It

For those of us who are intimidated by the thought of planning, preparing, executing and cleaning up after a Family Meal, I am talking to you (and to myself). At first, family meals aren't going to be pretty. It'll be messy, you'll mis-read directions in a recipe on how much salt to add to your sauteed spinach (not that I write from experience, ah-hem), and the whole ordeal will take a lot more time and energy than need be required. That's ok.

Don't give up.

Keep at it.

The process will smooth out, you will learn tricks of the trade, the idea of what constitutes a family meal will eventually flow, institute ground rules (a concept of which I will post shortly) and more in the longer term, you will see the benefits to your family, especially to your kids.

The main point is try and try again, practice makes perfect and a boat load of other cliches I could go on. You get my point. Like many things in life (exercise for example) – tough to start, harder to keep at it but if you do you will reap huge rewards.

Step #2 – Set Ground Rules

Set ground rules together and set wide parameters. No one likes to be mandated to do anything. So be careful about being too strict but do set boundaries.

Everyone pitches in. No matter how you divide the preparation, set up and clean up, make certain each family member takes ownership of some part of the meal.
Talk about highs and lows. I am not suggesting that you force ‘how was your day?' conversation so be creative with how you work this one into the meal. For example, ‘What was your favorite part of the day?' or ‘What did you learn today?' or ‘What didn't go so well today?'
No devices & turn off the t.v. Enough said.
Look ahead. Another focus on conversation. ‘What are you most excited about for tomorrow?' or ‘this week?'
Serve a variety of foods. Get creative! Make it fun for the family and include members in planning. Try a new dish or flavor! Set a theme! Or maybe try one night a week to serve only foods available locally. Maybe you and the kiddos will find that challenging motivating and inspiring!
Set a specific time for dinner. Schedule as best as you can but don't worry about being too rigid with the timing. What you want is routine and some form of commitment from your family members.
Try a new food as often as possible (every day)

Step #3 – Create a Planning that Works for You

One of the biggest struggles in my family is avoiding the purchase of groceries oh, I don't know, EVERY DAY, to pick up something we forgot to order in our Amazon Fresh order or something I forgot to pick up the night before when I had to run to the grocery for olive oil I didn't know we were running low on…can any of you relate? Please say yes.

So since I am a very self aware person who likes to wallow in my self pity for only brief periods at a time, I opted to once again be proactive and seek a solution to what may be deemed a “fundamental” problem. I mean, there has got to be an Iphone app that will help me? Right?

Well, good news, many resources exist that can help people like me and families who struggle to organize the grocery buying (the food, the budget, etc) and even the meal planning. Once these tools are set in place, family meals will become a whole lot easier. I promise you.

“The Pad” – Simple. Old School. Keep a pad of paper and pen/pencil ready in the kitchen.Â When you use the last of the flour, let's say, add it to “The Pad”.Â The pad however is only as good as the effort and is extremely useful when then used to organize your groceries in the following manner with the next resource. Keep reading.
The Grocery List PDF – Again, so simple. See the picture up above and to the left at the start of this blog post?Â This image is what this wonderful person has to offer us on Etsy. Why can't I create something like this for myself.Â Well, I can but I'd rather do something else, maybe something I am actually good at so I will leave the creativity up to someone else…like this seller on Etsy. Isn't this PDF just gorgeous?Â Simply download the PDF for $5 and it is yours to print out as many times as you'd like.
E-Mealz – Oh my god. I love you E-Mealz.Â This site was featured in the Life Hacker last May.Â They have a select group of stores, which includes “Any Store”.Â Each week when these stores publish their coupons, this site compiles the coupons, creates a weekly meal plan based on these coupons and emails you! There is a fee for the service but it is minimal compared to the convenience and money that you'll save with the service. Wow.
Smart Phone Apps – There are a few Apps worth checking out. I did not verify that each these Apps are also available Smart Phones other than the iPhone. I do know that several of them are available on phones other than the iPhone though. For meal planning, in my quest to find the best App, I settled on taking a closer look at Mise en Place ($2.99 but there is a Lite version available) and a relatively new application called Mealfire (free for now). For grocery list, the task was far more daunting. With two pages of Apps available on the itunes website for grocery assistance, I recognized immediately that 1) this topic is quite popular and 2) I am not alone and, phew, I felt better about myself (always a nice part of the process if you can make it happen). I chose to look more closely at Grocery Gadget ($4.99 but there is a LITE version available), Grocery IQ (Free), Groceries Grocery List ($1.99) and ShopShop (Free). Grocery IQ is my favorite. The coolest thing (as long as it works) about the first two Apps listed is the scanning feature. Okay, another cool feature of Grocery IQ is the shopper card scan into your phone. Wow. That is a lifesaver for me. I like Grocery Grocery's option of grouping items by store. ShopShop is simple and that is always good. I had so much fun doing this research that I am going to write a blog post specifically reviewing these Apps so hold your horses. Here are a few reviews listed out there in cyberspace for your viewing pleasure:
- MacWorld Review – a very comprehensive review with lots of substance in his approach
- NY Times Review – a quick mention of Grocery IQ at the end
- Nimo Press – a good review but I listed this review for it's mention of Red Laser, a very interesting App.
- Babble – an awesome overview of best Apps for Moms and Dads who manage the household, includes grocery and meal planning apps
Epicurious– I chose to list this app separately because it is specific for recipes from the Epicurious database. I love it and have been using it for a while. You can create shopping lists directly from the recipes. I will then check my kitchen with iPhone in hand deleting whatever items we already have in stock. Very efficient. I also love how you can email recipes. Great for social.

Tell me how you're going to make the family meal work for you. Sitting at a fancy dining table? Maybe. Sitting together at a kitchen counter? Possible. Sitting in a family room on the floor? Could do. There are many ways to “do” the family meal. Choose what works for you and run with it.

Marnie

Are you tired of losing water bottles?

By Marnie Craycroft Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Back to School, Living This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

The other day I received a phone call from my son's tee ball coach.

“Marnie, hey, this is Ryan. I have W's water bottle.”

“Awesome, thanks!”

“I have to tell you how much I appreciate his name being on it. I love not having to toss it in the lost and found.”

Yeah, me, too. Oh, me, too. I appreciate not having to find another means of helping to keep my son hydrated!

Do you relate? Yeah, I thought so. Oh, have I got the answer for you! Have you heard of the company Minted? I am obsessed with their kids' labels. Not only are the designs gorgeous, fun, and inviting, the labels are waterproof, dishwasher safe, laundry proof, and non-toxic. Below is a round up of my favorite clothing and name labels. Choosing my favorites was a tough job. I highly recommend pursuing the myriad labels available on Minted's site.