“Please don't…” I started to react to my son standing up in his chair at the dinner table. I didn't go further. Every day is an opportunity to execute positive communicate with my sons. In fact, they give me lots and lots of opportunities throughout the day.
I began again, “Chairs are for sitting in.” That's it. He sat down. I disciplined him in a way that guided him to the appropriate behavior, rather than completely shutting him down.
As I have mentioned in previous parenting posts, positive communication positive does not come easy. I have to practice. A lot. One resource for me is my Montessori course work. My MEIPN Montessori instructor from Woodinville Montessori School recently reviewed a piece adapted from work by Suzanne Smith, who based this piece on work on Positive Discipline for Preschoolers
I know the choice option pretty well. To be honest, that approach does not always work. So I was thrilled when I read this handout. The authors suggest the following tools when a child desires to do something other than what is expected of him. I underlined the parts that can be adapted to your particular situation whether at home or in the classroom or in public.
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9 Refreshing Ways to Positively Communicate with Kids
- State Clear Expectations: “As soon as you finish your carrots, then you may go play trains.”
- Respond with a Question: “Would you like to do this yourself, or do you want/need my help?”
- State a Given: “This is dinnertime.”
- Check the child's knowledge or understanding: “What needs to happen before you can go outside?”
- Invite cooperation: “I need your help…can you figure out the most helpful thing you could do right now?”
- Limited Choices: “Would you rather set the table or feed the dog? “Would you like to get dressed now or take your clothes to school in a bag?
- Say what you want: “I want you to stay with me while we shop.”
- Negotiate an agreement: “If I let you watch your favorite t.v. show, when will you clean up your play area?
- Follow through: “Time to pick up your trains now.” Or “What was our agreement?” Then wait for a response. In Love & Logic fashion, don't argue, just calmly repeat a one liner like “I know.” or “now”.
Thanks for reading. I hope you found this helpful.
Marnie