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Home » Parenting » Social & Emotional Intelligence » The Secret to Positive Discipline – Why Time Outs Aren’t Enough

The Secret to Positive Discipline – Why Time Outs Aren’t Enough

This post may contain affiliate links. See my disclosure .

“There has to be a consequence. He has to know the behavior is not okay,” my husband asserted looking at me straight in the eyes.

I nodded.

We’ve never given timeouts or sent our kids to their rooms for punishment. We’ve always worked through the issue with them, which, arguably, will help them a great deal in life, at least down the line.

Now, at 8 and 6, my boys need more structure to their discipline. I can see that fact. They are letting us know that they need more structure, boundaries, rules, and routine. In short, they need a system of discipline, not simply to be disciplined.

How to create a system of discipline for a child

“Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows
with the ability to say no to oneself.”  ― Abraham Joshua Heschel

This system of discipline includes guiding them to a strong will, self-regulation, and the ability to make hard choices.

How do we go about guiding our children to built strong character without shutting them down completely? Without the opportunities to fail, to test their limits, and to challenge their environment (including their parents within that environment( is it possible to know who you are and what you’re capable of?

What is Positive Discipline?

According to the pioneers of positive discipline, Dr. Jane Nelsen, “it is based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs and designed to teach young people to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their communities. Positive Discipline teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and adults (including parents, teachers, childcare providers, youth workers, and others).

Recent research tells us that children are hardwired from birth to connect with others and that children who feel a sense of connection to their community, family, and school are less likely to misbehave. To be successful, contributing members of their community, children must learn the necessary social and life skills. Positive Discipline is based on the understanding that discipline must be taught and that discipline teaches.”

Download the PDF “What is Positive Discipline?”

Kids Need a Positive Discipline System

My goal? Resilience. I don’t want my boys to be weak in character. Apparently, I am not the only one worried about this life challenge.

The tough part? There is more to resilience than punishing poor behavior. Families need a system in which you’re able to right and wrong without simply shutting the bedroom door in order to punish. It is a system where you cultivate strong morals and values through modeling and communicating with respect and a system where you know when to intervene to guide the child.

Awesome Routine Cards for Kids

{You have to check out these routine cards! They are amazing!}

Cultivating this system begins early in life.

Here are a few resources for you to explore as you ponder your system of discipline:

  • Printable Routine Cards
  • 12 Brilliant Routine Charts for Kids
  • Chore Cards
  • Routines, Rhythms, and Schedules eBook
  • Tips for a Smoother Morning
  • The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin
  • Growing Up Mindful by Chris Willard
  • Raising Resilient Children by Robert Brooks

How do you teach your child about resilience?

Marnie

Tagged With: Mindfulness, Positive Parenting

About Marnie Craycroft

Marnie hails from Maine where she spent summers buried in sand and winters buried in snow. She is the daughter of a nearly four decade veteran of the public school systems. Teaching has always been a part of her life. She founded Carrots Are Orange in 2010.

Carrots Are Orange is a Montessori learning and living website for parents and teachers.

Marnie graduated from Wesleyan University in 1999 with a BA in Economics. She spent nearly a decade working in investment management. In 2006, she earned her MA in business from the University of Washington’s Foster School of Business.

Marnie moved to the west coast in 1999 and currently lives in Boulder with her husband and three sons. She is Montessori trained. Her work has been featured on Apartment Therapy, Buzzfeed, PBS Kids, BabyCenter, the Melissa & Doug blog, Huffington Post, and WhattoExpect.com. Besides writing, passions include running (usually after her three sons), photography, and outdoor adventures.

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