“Mommy, I got it out!” You hear your child say excitedly. You move quickly to the bathroom. You glance at the toilet bowl. A tiny dot of poop. One of the top sad parenting moments. I get it.

“Good work, sweetheart,” you encourage your child, touching his back as your eyes fill with tears. No, no, honey, you didn't get it out. Your stomach churns.

I know the anguish you're feeling in your gut.

I know how your heart aches for your child.

I know tears fill your eyes on multiple occasions throughout the day because of the pain you know your child is feeling on a daily basis.

I know you feel helpless and maybe even hopeless.

You don't have to accept those feelings. Acknowledge them. Yes. But you don't have to sit back and take them. Fight them. There are ways to help your child.

Any of these scenarios sound familiar to you?

Your child wets the bed.

Your child started having accidents after she began school.

Your child holds his BMs all day.

Your child holds his BMs as long as he can…

Your child complains about his aching tummy.

Your child doesn't move his body as he should on the playground because he has to go to the bathroom. A false move would ruin him.

Going to the toilet causes an all out meltdown by your child.

Yes. I know. I have been there. If you suspect anything might be off with your child's body and behavior when it comes to “potty training”, don't wait to do something. You don't have to feel paralyzed (as I felt on so many occasions) because there are steps to take that will move you ahead.

Ideas to Help Your Child Poop

1. Listen to your gut if your child can't poop or is having accidents
2. Read It's No Accident by Dr. Steve Hodges
3. Try the “walking man” on his belly to give him some relief
4. Check out the post I wrote on our potty training journey (you are not alone, friend)
5. Create an environment for success
6. Encourage your child (maybe some of these encouraging phrases will help you)
7. Support your child no matter how frustrated you feel that he won't poop
8. Visit you pediatrician & get a referral for a pediatric urologist
9. Find a provider that “gets it”
10. Listen to your gut (yes, I wrote that one twice)
11. Ask for an abdominal x-ray
12. Schedule a consultation with Dr. Steve Hodges
13. Don't hesitate on the recommended approach to helping your child
14. Listen to your gut (did I write that again? Yes.)

Hang on. I know the journey can feel and can be long. Support your child. Seek support for yourself.

Marnie

On a final note, in an effort to help as many readers as I possibly can, for those of you parents who are not experiencing any of these challenges, I encourage you to check out this terrific ebook to guide you through your potty training

*This post contains affiliate links. 

In recent weeks I have written about helping children learn to go to the bathroom. I wrote with a sense of humor, about our obstacles, and offered communication tips. Since that time, we were given the opportunity to explore the Pull Ups Big Kid Academy. You have to check it out. I finally didn't feel alone in the process. I wasn't daunted by unforeseen obstacles along the journey. I felt support.  I wish this resource was available for my five year old. I will enjoy it for my 3 year old, and look forward to using it with our youngest son. I definitely encourage you to enroll in the service. Such a great opportunity for us parents. Click on the link below and it will take you straight to the Pull Ups Big Kid Academy.

To get you started, I compiled a few Potty Training Tips & Tricks for Toddlers I garnered from personal and Pull Ups Big Kid Academy experience. Enjoy!

[Tweet “Unique Potty Training Tips for Parents from Parents #sp”]

This article is sponsored by Pull-Ups®. Opinions are 100% my own.

Toilet Training Tips & Tricks for Toddlers

Use a Pull Up

No pressure for you or the child to get through the night dry. Make it a seamless and stressless transition

Don't Sweat It

Be relaxed about using pull ups, almost nonchalant and casual

Protect your Mattress

One thing that helped relieve my stress was finding a cover to protect the child's mattress. We found a great washable one. Always have a clean set of sheets available to replaced the soiled sheets.

Choose a Fun & Cool Pull Up

You want your child on board, engaged, and to take ownership of his body and the process of toilet training. So, find a pull up that intrigues him like

Don't Refer to a Pull Up as a “Diaper”

Most children don't want to feel like a baby. The “I can do it myself” stage often developmentally coincides with potty training. So, respect that desire by calling the pull up “night time underwear”, for example.

Allow the Child's Independence

Give your child the opportunity to “do it himself” by putting on his own “night time underwear”

Read your Child

Either involve your other children in exploring the fun & cool nighttime undies, for example, and respect your child's privacy in putting on, taking off, or replacing his pull up.

Acknowledge your Child's Emotions

If he is feeling embarrassed, for example, acknowledge that with a simple observational statement: “You're embarrassed. I understand.” or “I can tell you're frustrated by the tone in your voice.” Emotions can be positive, too. “You put the undies on all by yourself! You're learning!”

Give Control to your Child

In my experience, there are few things less frustrating than the inability to go to the bathroom on his own, Learning to listen to our bodies take time on so many levels. Help by allow your child to take off and dispose of his own pull up. Encourage him. He will feel more secure with a semblance of control over his toileting.

Be Patient

One of the biggest mistakes I made was trying to rush the process. Let your child develop at his own pace. Don't stress out about age or accidents. Easier said than done, trust me, but letting go will have a big positive impact on the process.

Definitely go check out the Big Kids Academy!

If you are serious about potty training right now, I highly recommend this book: Potty Train in a Weekend.

More about the Big Kid Academy

Every Kid is Unique. That’s why when you enroll at the Big Kid Academy, you’ll get a personalized “My Pull-Ups®” page with potty training activities and advice customized to your point in the potty training journey.

The Big Kid Academy has a world-class library of potty training tips and advice from parenting experts, medical professionals and our brightest alumni: parents who have been there. Subjects include:

• How to talk to day care providers about potty training
• Solutions for nighttime
• Potty training on the go
• The best clothing for potty training

Related Read: Parents Guide to Slaying Potty Training: For Boys & Girls

This post includes Phrases to Encourage Toilet Training. A few week's ago I wrote about our son’s obstacles with toilet training. I wrote about Steve Hodge’s book, It's No Accident. His work enlightened my husband and me, guiding us to seek other avenues besides “he’ll grow out of it” and “it’s just an accident”.

{If you just want to start Potty Training NOW, check out this eBook: Potty Train in a Weekend.}

Recently I read “3 Reasons Kids Don't Need Toilet Training (and What to Do Instead)” by Janet Lansbury. Although my son's situation is unique, I wish I had embraced this approach but we couldn't at the time. He had to be toilet trained for school, and he had to be in school because I had to go back to work. Hindsight is 20/20, right?

Finding the right words to use with so much emotion (in some cases) involved can be tricky. Along the way my husband and I have worked hard to find words that support our son, that encourage him, that do not shame him, that, instead, give him respect and a semblance of control over his situation. So, I thought I would share some of those responses and approaches with you.

10 Phrases to Encourage Toilet Training

1. “Yes, I can see you’re trying hard. It must be uncomfortable.”
2. “I understand that it hurts. I will be here to support you.”
3. “You’re crying. I can see your tears. Getting poop in your pants makes you sad.  Let’s clean up together.”
4. “Time to check in with your body.”
5. “Try to sneak up on your poop, rather than having it sneak up on you.”
6. “I am going to help you.”
7. “Would you like some privacy?”
8. “How does your body feel right now?”
9. “Let me know when you’re ready to go to the bathroom, and I’ll help you.”
10.  “What do you think happens to poop if you hold it?”

What would you add?

Marnie

With all the frustrations that come along with potty training & constipation, do you also feel as though something else might be going on?

This post focuses on the idea that just maybe your Child's Accidents are More than Just Accidents, probably a different perspective from that of which you've heard before. There is a “silent epidemic” happening in the United States. The epidemic relates to potty troubles research proven due to children holding “it”.

Children's potty troubles often being at school because they are unable to honor their bodies needs either by feeling rushed or without privacy (lining up before recess, for example) so their bodies don't expel all the waste or by having to wait to use the bathroom instead of going the bathroom when they truly need to use it. I know almost all of you are teachers, parents, and grandparents of young children. So, I felt strongly that I had to share our story with you.

Our Potty Training Story – Constipation 101

Our middle son was a classic early potty trainee. Really, I didn't train him. His older brother did so by modeling. He was only 22 months and fully out of diapers. Fast forward one year and we ran into problems. He began complaining about his belly aching.

Then he started preschool and began to have accidents, more and more and again and again. It didn't stop or even get better. The day I walked in on him in his classroom's bathroom pants off/down staring at the toilet smeared with poop with such profound sadness I burst into tears on the spot (you know the kind of tears you choke back and hide from your kids. I cried the whole way home.) was the moment of clarity. The next day I pulled him from school.

Some of you are aware that we pulled our son from preschool last fall, just a few months after the start of the school year. His behavior regressed not only with toilet training but also with his temper. When we voiced concern to the people in our lives, we got the ‘he's not even three yet' and ‘the bigger deal you make of it, mom and dad, the bigger deal it becomes…'. As his mother, though, I felt with all my heart that there was something more to the story.

Trust instinct to the end, even though you can give no reason. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Alas, his behavior didn't get better in the weeks following his withdrawal from school. So, I took him to see a pediatric urologist. The doctor was clearly gifted and experienced albeit patronizing in her dialogue with me. I tried to keep in mind that she treats children much older than my son for a problem that probably began at my son's age. My main goal was to prevent a major long-term issue down the line. I knew as his parent that something wasn't right.

Even though the doctor did not support it I demanded an abdominal x-ray. Much to my bittersweet affirmation, the X-ray revealed SEVERE constipation, which for young children means weakening of muscles that help with #2. Constipation of this sort also impacts bladder function, not to mention the emotional issues that come along with it. He had a mass of poop the size of a football in his little body. No matter the age, friends, sometimes it's not just an accident. Sometimes, more often than we adults realize, accidents are in fact a real medical issue.

Signs It's No Accident

For a more comprehensive list of signs of constipation, please see page 34 of It's No Accident: Breakthrough Solutions to Your Child's Wetting, Constipation, UTIs, and Other Potty Problems by Steve Hodges and Suzanne Schlosberg.

• holding it
• size of BM is large
• texture of BM
• crying when it's potty time
• hiding when he needs to use the potty

Constipation, The Book & Our Progress

I know I sound dramatic but this book changed our life. Our son was having major regressions with the toilet and his temper that didn't seem right to us even at 3 years old. We were brushed off by teachers, administrators and even to some extent our urologist with the “he's only 3” or “he'll adjust”.

After withdrawing him from preschool and reading Steve's book, as I mentioned, we took our son to see a urologist. After the x-ray revealed what my husband and I suspected all along, the pediatric urologist helped create a plan that included diet, routine, and supplements. We are on the road to recovery but it has been a long road and we are still traveling on it 7 months later.

After “diagnosis”, don't under treat the issue. It will take many months, depending on the child, of course, to resolve the issues.  

I have not been paid for this post. This story, the results and the opinions, are all my own. If it were not for this book, I would have surrendered to “waiting it out” while my son's toilet and behavioral regressions “passed” & his constipation led to more issues.

Thankfully, we are able to be proactive to prevent any further negative physical or emotional impact on our developing son. We are on the road to wellness. My son is happier as he works the discomfort out of his system and is able to gain control over his actions once again. Thanks to this book, we were able to take control of the situation. I feel so very grateful. I highly recommend this book to any parent and educator who has doubts and wonders in this area.

Thank you. Please contact me with any questions or comments.

For More Parenting Posts:

• 10 Phrases to Use with a Child During Conflict
• Questions to Ask Before Intervening
• 10 Ways to Teach Kindness
• 101 Ways to Teach Kids Courage
• Five Responses that Work with Children
• Magic Words to Improve Communication with Young Children

I have potty trained two boys. My first son's experience is documented in this lovely, hopefully, a bit humorous essential Potty Training 101.

Here is the deal. I am not trying to be smug. I will be honest. My second son wasn't even two yet and he was potty trained. Developmentally he was there and we created the environment for him to do it. I am not trying to say I have all the answers. I feel lucky.

{If you just want to cut to the chase and start potty training NOW and get this stuff over with as soon as possible, check out this eBook: Potty Train in a Weekend.}

Image courtesy of chrisroll at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

11 Essential Potty Training Tips for Parents

With that said, though, I thought I'd share a few things we learned over the last four years:

1. Wait until the child shows interest and don't feel bad about pulling back if you feel the child is not ready.
2. Never shame the child when he has an “accident”
3. Use an older sibling to take the younger sibling under his wing
4. Don't compare the child with other children. Every child is different developmentally.
5. Once you decide to potty train, say GOODBYE to diapers. Don't go back and forth, it'll confuse the child.
6. Let your child be naked at home but be sure to give practice wearing underwear.
7. Be prepared when you go out of the house with extra undies and extra pants (and bags to carry the soiled clothing)
8. Create a mindset when you go out of the house: “When my child has an accident while we're out, it is not a big deal. We change him. Don't make him feel bad. Just get new undies and new pants on him and move on.” Kids get distracted especially in the early days of potty training. They don't want to take the time to stop their fun OR they just forget.
9. Make going to the potty a routine when you get up in the morning, after lunch, before bed, etc.
10. When you go out, carry a training potty like BABYBJORN Potty Chair. We've pulled it out in parking lots, on the side of roads and even in the front yards of friend's home. Classy, I know.
11. Watch the child like a hawk. We adults must be dedicated and committed to the task at hand. When he shows any signs of having to go the bathroom, encourage it by asking him and guiding him to the toilet. Ask him if he would like privacy and if he would like to sit on the “big” toilet. You never know what will catch with these kids.

I really hope this post was helpful to you! Please leave a comment, I love hearing from you!

Marnie